UNIVERSE

It has been a struggle the last few weeks to walk around and appear like a normal, fully functioning adult. I have felt like a liar to the world with every “hi how are you doing, oh me…I’m good, thanks.” That’s one odd thing about human interactions…to ask how someone is doing without really wanting to stop and talk about it. Have you kept track of how many times in one day you ask how someone’s day is going, or are asked about your day? And out of all those times…how many did you actually mean?

I have always tried to live my life with just a few hard and fast rules:

1.

Promises are made to keep.

2.

Tell the truth.

3.

Treat others how you want to be treated.

4.

Say what you mean, mean what you say.

5.

Don’t touch what doesn’t belong to you.

I would like to think those simple rules have kept me out of a lot of trouble, and have made me a better person. Yes, I have broken them all at one point or another but I work hard to use them as daily guides. So you see, when I’m asked how I’m doing…or when people check in on me after the Seattle thing…I answer with what I think you want to hear. Because I know or at least think I know that you really don’t want to sit and hear about my nightmares…my anxiety…my fear. You want me to be good, so that’s what I tell you.

But I’m not.

I will be. In time.

I feel guilty for lying to you…even though I know it’s probably for the best to keep my answer short and easy.

So I guess the purpose of this entry is to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what happened, sorry for not being stronger, sorry for lying and saying I’m good.